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Proud To Be British
Being British is about driving in a
German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an
Indian curry or a Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and
watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? - Suspicion of
anything Foreign.
Only In Britain…
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Only in Britain… Can a pizza get
to your house Faster than an ambulance.
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Only in Britain… Do supermarkets
make sick People walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their
prescriptions While healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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Only in Britain… Do People order
double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
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Only in Britain… Do banks leave
both doors open and chain the pens to the Counters.
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Only in Britain… Do we leave
cars worth thousands of pounds on The drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn
mower in the garage.
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Only in Britain… Do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have ‘Call Waiting’ so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in The first place.
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Only in Britain… Are there
disabled parking places in Front of a skating rink.
Not To Mention...
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3 Britons die each year testing
if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
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142 Britons were injured in 1999
by not removing all pins from new shirts.
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58 Britons are injured each year
by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
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31 Britons have died since 1996
by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
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19 Britons have died in the last
3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
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18 Britons had serious burns in
2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
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543 Britons were admitted to A&E
in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
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5 Britons were injured last year
in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
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British Hospitals reported 4
broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
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Since 1999 101 people have had
broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
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And finally......... In the year
2000 eight Britons cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
(God save us all)
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